| update! |
[Oct. 11th, 2010|03:19 pm] |
Ok, I need to update this because so much is going on lately and I didn’t want to post semi-private stuff on my blogspot, so I’m putting it here for you special individuals. Anyway… where to begin… (ahh this lady at the coffee shop I’m at has a British accent and I’m so jealous lol. ) Anyway, so I’m leaving for Haiti on Saturday w/my sister and about 24 other people from our church. I raised enough money and like the day before it was all due, my sister got the rest of her money from some of our relatives. Ps: Thank you Matt for sending me $ :] and Sarah for the silly bandz and everyone else for being supportive and giving me ideas. I actually raised extra money and that goes to food that we take down to Haiti and other supplies, so it’s all going to help the people of Haiti and the teams going. I’m not using it to go on a shopping spree basically hahaha. Ok, so serious stuff…
-My aunt is having open heart surgery tomorrow. She will be “legally dead” while they work on her heart and they have to keep her blood flowing etc. so it’s pretty intense. My mom flew out to Michigan to be w/her. I’m sick so it’s actually good I didn’t get to go. She’s Robyn (my cousin)’s mom and Aleah (my adorable lil cousin)’s grandma. Idk why I put the ‘s outside the ( … lol anyway, she’s super freaked out, so I’m just praying that everything goes fine and that she has a good recovery.
-My sister has had to have a couple of blood tests. She broke her toe and they did a blood test while she was there that showed that she had a low count of white blood cells, which can be normal if that’s something that you’ve had all your life, but they’ve always been normal. So they sent her blood somewhere to be tested and she was getting the results today, hoping that they’d say everything is fine, but they want to do a bone marrow test now because something’s still wrong (those are really painful). So… she has to have that done when we get back from Haiti. Anyway, my parents are worried obviously. I talked to my dad and he sounded really worried. And naturally, my sister is really upset/worried. I’m trying not to make a big deal out of it because I’m hoping it’s nothing. Like it could be lupus or something serious or it could be something as minor as sorisis (sp?), which is basically scalp irritation that you can treat w/shampoo. Anyway, I’m just praying that it’s nothing, like I can’t imagine anything happening to her or being wrong with her. She’s such a strong person…and I really look up to her. We were kind of distant throughout college (compared to now), but after living w/her last year and getting to know her better, she's kind of become a diff. person to me and matured in a way that I can really respect. She’s one of the best people I know, very caring and loving/patient/has a heart for helping people and bettering her life and others. Super extroverted, passionate, makes friends with everyone and is like super mom when it comes to dealing w/her kids, like I would not have the patience or strength to work with them the way she does. So anyway… that’s going on and it’s not good news.
-On a lighter note, I think I want to go back to school. I’ve been in a slump of looking for jobs, working temporary jobs, just to be exactly that… “temporary”, disposable. It’s been a good learning experience etc. but in this economy, it’s really hard to get ahead. My major (communication) is so vague and I’m just frustrated/burnt out. I don’t want my parents to have paid so much money for me to make $10 an hour or take a crappy job and still have to get help from them. I don’t like the education system in our country… Starting with public education, it’s embarrassing how low they’ve set the bar and dumbed down classes just to get people to graduate, like going from a college-prep school (Blanchet) to Sprague, was a joke. I basically got straight A’s at Sprague because it was so easy and easy to just skip class and do fine. ANYWAY and the fact that people have to pay thousands of dollars to get a college degree and that we need that piece of paper to prove that we know our stuff. I donno, I’ve always struggled with school. I have A.D.D. and it takes me hourssss to get anything done and it’s frustrating. I want to go back to school though. I thought I’d work a few years and then decide to go back, but that’s proved to be difficult. I’d like to work w/old people, not doing hands on stuff like a CNA, but something else. Social work or counseling or coordinating or something. I need to job shadow and do some research first. Something else I had thought about was something w/education, working at a school, but I’d have to narrow that down as well. I’m thinking about PSU. I’d love to move to California, but I want to be close to my family and I don’t know anyone there really. Anyway, I’ve just been really low lately, dealing w/this time of life/age, not having a job/feeling worthless, self loathing, living by myself, not having any real identity outside of my personality and the things I like. My life/feelings are beginning to rely too heavily on my social interactions and my family’s opinions etc. and that drags me down. I've started avoiding my dad just because I don't want to talk about jobs and he brought that up today and is now making a point to hangout with me. Good times lol. And I've even been feeling anti social w/my friends. I'm just not happy and it's really hard for me to pretend I'm OK w/everything, when everything is fucked and the world is fucked in my opinion, and getting drunk doesn't help me anymore or make me feel any better. It just makes things worse sometimes and it's hard watching friends drink their lives away, like once you begin to lose a friendship over a substance, namely alcohol, it's hard to view it the same way because drinking is supposed to be "fun" in my opinion, not heartbreaking, but sometimes it's just sad to watch. I can't put my mind to rest the way I used to when I can see how it makes people act, including myself. I'll always enjoy going out/having fun, but right now, it's draining with where I'm at in life. Anyway, back to school...I miss having structure and an obtainable goal, moving towards something, not just shitty interviews and sending out resumes and applying everywhere and getting nowhere really and listening to everyone else’s advice. I miss meeting new people and the professors/hearing their stories/learning from classes etc. and I’m sick of where I’m at. I need a change. I want to meet new people. I miss having roommates. I miss exploring the city with other people at my school. Granted, I know this would be a lot harder than undergrad and it wouldn’t be the same fun/social/party/lay around luxury that I had as a Comm. Major lol. So that’s where I’m at. I’ve had a really weird/emotional week, on top of not being able to sleep, and having a really gross cold that has been hanging on for 2 weeks or more now. I’m going to my sister’s tonight to watch football w/my dad and my sister etc. This is an anticlimactic way to end this and I could say a lot more, but that’s all that really matters right now. I should post in this more often! Thanks for listening :]
ps: if this cold doesnt go away, I'm going to be sooooo annoyed. I want to be healthy when I goto Haiti. I'm not hungry at all. I was literally dryheaving today as I pulled food out of the fridge lol, like everything grosses me out. The is the least I've weighed in 4 years and this cold is sucking it out of me... cuz I'll try to sleep a ton, so I'll sleep through meals, then the idea of solid foods is unappealing. I just ate a HUGE bowl of soup though. I guess that's why they tell you to eat soup. It's the only thing that sounds good to me. Oh, and I gave my sister my cold, so she'll most likely have it in Haiti :/ oops. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 15th, 2010|07:20 pm] |
do any of you betches write in here anymore?!?! fail!!
i miss reading about ppl's emotional turmoil and life updates!
whats new, ummm
i've had a cold for over a week. today i just started feeling worse... we lost an hour and i got 4 hrs of sleep fri night and i was super sore from running around drunk and hitting the punching bag and attempting pullups in katie's barn... lol yes, im really out of shape & now im exhausted cuz of this cold. not enough sleep...
having a st. pattys day party on friday and hopefully moving into my apartment on saturday.. and then next weekend we're roadtripping to boise. my sister/her family will be in california starting tomorrow... and kris will be visiting from seattle, so im sure i'll be more social too..hopefully not staying out late though, cuz i need to get sleep BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE SHIT!!! AHHHH. my niece is sick right now too, i hope we dont have something 'new' and morphed from last weeks cold. anyway, i ache everywhere, im gonna go shower or take a bath or something. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 24th, 2010|09:46 pm] |
| [ | MÜsic |
| | The Art of Racing in the Rain - book on my ipod | ] |
books to read:
the traveler's gift
Blink: the power of thinking without thinking.
The Secret
Three Cups of Tea - heard great things about this.
The Screwtape Letter by C.S. Lewis
Catcher in the Rye
Eat, Pray, Love -- is this the one you read katie?
The Dharma Bums |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2010|06:30 pm] |
| [ | Where |
| | bed. | ] |
| [ | Moood |
| |  depressed | ] |
i wish my ipod had more space. dude, im so tired. today sucked. it was like the longest day of work ever. data entry for 8 hours straight.
soooo tired/fatigued.
+ fiesta, for those of you who know what that means.
im freezing!
im noticing that my friends have changed since graduation. i talk less to some of the people i was closest with. my bestfriend since age 7, we never talk/never see each other. i feel like i dont know some of my friends anymore. people change. i havent changed in ways that would make people not want to be my friend i hope. i dont feel very different. but people always change. i want to go to sleep. i havent felt like this in months.
i feel sick. i jsut want to have a good weekend with friends. i hope that happens. & valentines day, will probably be the opposite of romantic. its sooo cold in here. i should go take a bath or something. wake up somehow. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2010|07:59 pm] |
i'm glad i just have to worry about myself at the moment. and i worry a lot. lol. it sucks. when i have kids i'm sure i will be one of those extremely paranoid/worried moms.
i have an interview tomorrow at PECI. terrifying! ive never really had an interview in PERSON.. in a professional setting. so i'm preparing answers now...
i'm supposed to goto seattle tomorrow. i mean i am. idk if B is coming or not. some ppl cant make decisions... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to know so i can either be bummed out and get over it or be excited/not have to keep wondering. whatever. Amys bday is on Sat and then elton john concert isthe next sat. so i was just gonna stay up there.
our temp position ends tomorrow,but its possible that it may be extended... wtf!?! everything is so up in the air. i always think it's one way and then it changes. so we find out next week, who got the job and whether the rest of us temps will go back to temp work. I JUST WANNA KNOW. like i like KNOWING whats happening in my life so i can plan... i dont like last minute heads ups. "oh, you work tomorrow." I also applied for a humane society position. That would be a lot of fun. so we'll see! I'm glad i have some glimmer of job hope on the horizon... I just need to be enthuastic in my interview. I always forget cuz im so nervous/trying to answer questions and its not inmy nature to be really PEPPY & excited, so i hope i remember.
gotta go! how is everyone else in the world of lllllllllllllllllllljaaaaaaaaaay? el nino is makng this the 3rd warmest january! hmm.. scary. potentially limiting water supply. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2010|09:26 pm] |
| [ | Where |
| | couch | ] |
| [ | MÜsic |
| | the office | ] |
writing because sarah is right.... no one writes anymore. so here goes.
livin in beaverton at my sister's.. with john and the kids AND their new puppy Sadie. cuuute! It's actually a lot better than i expected! it's nice coming home to people and waking up and having people getting ready for school/work too. I have my own room etc..
work is good, except my temp position ends jan 29th :( the recruiter said she'd be able to find me another job though... so she says. man, i hope so. ugh. it sucks so bad looking for a job!!!! i hope i can find another job right away. or.. i hope she can hook me up with a job right away. I like the company i'm working at. environmentally-friendly and cool people. it's downtown. course i'm lazy and addicted to comfort/routine and drive everyday. sad. i need to push myself out of my bubble. anyway, i cant really look for an apartment or get one until i know i have another job...
i got completely wasted on new years. i think i blacked out for the first time.... i didnt know i was capable. baaah... course i remember the SHITTTTY parts where i freaked out multiple times and later cried in kris's lap. yeah, LOW point. i was like crying, then laughing, then crying. oman. .... SPECIAL night. told everyone they weren't my friend. my only friend was the dog lolol. ohman. so embarassing thinking about evrything i was saying/doing... and the parts i dont remember. i should have just danced the entire time... i may have possibly been dancing for like 5 hours straight though cuz i dont even know what i was doing for most of the night...cooool. the rest of the weekend was amazing though!!! we went to the beach, had massive dance parties, sooooo much fun!!! just lounged, hungout, ate yummy food, laughed our asses off, watched brian get shitfaced, played never have i ever, hottubbed it up, walked on the beach. yeah, eppiiiccc!
also, i want to lose like 5 lbs before the wedding (my brother/tasha's wedding). god, i feel like a ............. ............... .............. i wont go into details... but all i do is sit at my desk allday. eat. and come home and sit. and sleep. i dont have a gym membership and it;s too cold to go outside. i got a workout video, but have no motivation to come home and workout by myself in my room. depressing. my dad said he'd get me a stationary bike... thats just one more massive piece of furniture to have to deal with though... i already wanna burn all my furniture just cuz it's such a pain in the ass moving it eveywhere. its in our neighbors garage now... it's moved from seattle, to my garage, to my neighbor's garage, and hopefully to an apartment....soon.
i need to find a place for mcgee to stay while my parents are at the wedding at the end of jan. bahh!!! sadly he thinks he's the alpha male and doesnt get along with everyone. not that he does anything, but hes just not lovey dovey towards other cats... yeah. also, my parents will be in Cali from feb 23rd - the end of april!!!!! ahhh!!! so i need to get an apartment for me/mcgeeee! bahhh!! |
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| move |
[Dec. 3rd, 2009|12:12 am] |
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i bought pink tinted sunglasses the other day. it made everything look better. so news: I got offered a job at PECI and I'm pretty excited! I'm a little nervous about living with my sister/john/the kids in Beaverton, but I think it'll also be good/a good experience for me. I want to spend more time with the kids, especially Ella (because little girls look up to older girls), she always wants me to sit by her and I feel like I don't put enough effort into being a good aunt. (And Owen of course, but I feel like it'd mean more to Ella at her age). I want to try to find some things that I can do with the kids on my own, like taking them out to dinner or playing games with them. I'll be taking the max to work (downtown) and walking 7 blocks every morning... lots of time to BLAST my ipod and wake myself up! Not really looking forward to walking 7 blocks..daily, but I have a feeling I'll be getting in better shape once I'm keeping busy/eating better. There's a lot of time to sit/eat when you don't have a job.... December will probably fly by, I already have a lot of my nights/weekends scheduled/planned out. I just don't want to be a burden at Ashley's.... but I feel like in that kind of situation I am much more aware of what I'm doing, because I know what's considered rude while staying with someone else and what's expected etc. Luckily I'll have my own room! Anyway, so my job at PECI is through a temp agency, so I'm hoping that by Jan. I will have an idea as to how long I'll be working there/what's going on and I can get a studio downtown. I will probably focus on getting one where Katie/Esther live in the Pearl. It's a really nice area and they live in subsidized housing. It would be a pretty small studio...but whatever. It'd just be me and McGee. There's parking and the streetcar is right outside, so I can just take that to work. I'm excited to decorate/make it cozy. Invite people over... I'll need to get some other seating besides my bed... Yeah, lots of changes coming up! I need to start going to bed sooner actually... I am taking melatonin tonight, so we'll see how that works. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2009|09:38 pm] |
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i have a phone interview w/ banfield tomorrow.. ahhhhhhhhh!!! yeah, so i've been writing on blogspot some. You guys should all switch, it's pretty nifty!!! maybe? possibly? i have no followers though and im afraid ppl/work ppl can search my email address and find me... shit. i should probably do something about that... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2009|10:40 pm] |
To dream that darkness comes upon you, signifies failure in work you may attempt. Darkness is synonymous with ignorance, the unconscious, evil, death, and fear of the unknown. If the sun breaks through the darkness, then you will overcome your failures. If you feel safe in the dark, then it suggests that you like not knowing about certain things. As some might say, ignorance is bliss. To dream that you cannot find someone in the darkness, signifies that you need to keep your temper in check. You have the tendency to let your emotions get out of control and lose your temper. To dream that you are lost in the darkness, denotes feelings of desperation, depression, or insecurity. To dream that you are groping around in the darkness, indicates that you have insufficient information to make a clear decision. Do your research and do not rush into making choices. comes upon you, |
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